Agony
by Lagrenn
Summary: Soren had often not cared much for what the others thought, but they themselves had never understood the mage much either... Behind the pessimistic exterior was merely a lost child filled with agony. [ONESHOT] [SPOILERS]


Disclaimer: Nintendo owns FE and its content. I own nothing.

AN: Since Soren's my favorite FE character, and I literally have nothing to do as of this moment I decided to sit down and write a random one-shot. Well, considering I never check my chapters once I finish them (AKA proofreading), there's also mistakes found in there so I'm sorry for those in advance. Anyways... I'm not too good at keeping characters in-tact, so I hope Soren seems at least a little in-character for just a bit... Other than that, enjoy this random one-shot that literally came out of nowhere.

* * *

It was not a matter of who liked him or not--moral was the only thing Soren bothered to look into. If anything or anyone would hurt his plan in any ways, Soren made sure to dispose of them even if they happened to be allies. To the mage, victory was the only thing he sought; nothing else mattered. When one lost, they were killed a majority of the times and Soren knew it. Therefore, loss was something the tactical mage had never experienced for his strategically well-planned moves always resulted in a victory. Should anything falter in his tactics, blame often fell upon the fighters as they had failed in completing the tasks Soren had instructed. No one ever said much about it though. In the end the Greil Mercenaries always won and that was that.

* * *

_Leave her. We shouldn't get involved in matters that don't concern us._

Soren had always been classified as the pessimistic one of the Greil Mercenaries. He never smiled nor smirk or grin--a blank expression was the only thing ever seen on the mage's face. Many would believe Soren to be a strict and merciless staff officer in-training at first glance and it was true. When Princess Elincia had been found unceremoniously unconscious on the ground he had only one thought in mind--to abandon her. In the long run, the woman on the ground would've only delayed them, but at that time Soren had not known who she truly had been. But even after he did discover her identity, it did not faze him of what he had said earlier; she could not fight nor help around much, so therefore she was of no use. Soren's thought on war was similar to any mercenaries or fighters: "Kill or be killed".

------

"You can steal from the dead on your own time and not waste ours." Soren said sternly, rather irritated by the fact that some of the precious time had already been taken away from the battle the Greil Mercenaries had just fought and won... Only to have Titania scold them both.

Shinon merely snorted and left. Although Soren and Shinon had frighteningly similar personalities, they failed to get along in any way, although their opinions in decisions and such for wars and battles were often the same. However, Soren pretty much disliked everyone from the way he behaved and Shinon only retaliated by giving him the same treatment. The two were practically haters but both were unwilling to admit it out loud--it was a battle of who would teach whose lesson. Soren was judgemental while Shinon was self-centered. Although the two traits were like brothers, Soren and Shinon certainly did not act that way towards each other.

Soren only turned to Ike and began his instructing, "... With that aside, we'll take this road...," he frowned as the mage's eyes squinted to see something in the distance, "... huh?"

Ike searched for what Soren had been distraught by, apparently not seeing anything as his expression was filled with confusion. He looked down at his pessimistic friend, beginning to wonder if he was seeing things.

"Something there?" Soren only nodded.

The group rushed towards the blur that had ran into the thickets of the forest that provided poor cover and hiding. As Soren neared the "thing" that had ran into the group of trees with Ike just ahead of him, he noticed that the "thing" was not an object, but a person... A woman who looked to be around Ike's age with long and silky green hair... well, it would've most likely been silky had it not looked quite greasy considering that between the strands leaves were tangled with some dirt here and there, making her look like a mess. But other than that, she was quite pale--although no one was as light as Soren when in comparison to how pale their skin was--but her skin was barely exposed for the woman wore an orange dress that covered most of her body. Soren frowned as he noticed the color of the woman's eyes when they fluttered open... they seemed like a mixture of yellow and orange, and they seemed so sincere to the point the mage had already figured out she was one of the "fragile" women. But her outfit, so beautiful and well-woven, did not lie what class she was; she was clearly of nobility or even royalty.

"Leave her. We shouldn't get involved in matters that don't concern us." Soren began but then quickly shut his mouth when he saw Ike looking at the girl before him in awe as if he was seeing an angel or something of the sort.

Soren had felt a tinge of some unknown feeling.

"Ah..." She mumbled, barely regaining conscious as Ike quickly bent down and attempted to scoop her up, determind to help.

He turned his head towards Rhys, motioning him to come over, "Come and help me, will you, Rhys?" The priest merely obliged.

By the time everyone had gone back out into the open, Soren had still remained on the very spot he had been ever since he had seen Ike's glare on the woman. It was painfully clear that he was... jealous. Ike had completely forgotten about him and had just picked up the girl and left, almost as if he didn't even see the mage. Had he distanced themselves when he had suggested they leave her? No, it couldn't be. Soren often made remarks concerning such details, but Ike had never shown he was bothered by that by much. Although Ike disliked the idea of leaving others it wasn't what Soren had said that made it look like the swordsman ignored the mage. Only one assumption was left as Soren's hands absently clenched tightly, curling up to a fist. Ike had fallen for her at first sight. She would take Ike's attention all for herself from the looks of it, and Soren was not going to like it a bit at all.

"Hey, Soren!" The mage snapped back into reality as he swiftly turned around to see Ike waving at him, "Come on, let's get going!"

The woman was now being carried by Oscar, the courtesy mainly went towards the horse though for it was the one carrying the now unconscious woman. The green-haired rider was walking now, his hand on the horse's reign to ensure that the horse did not run off for no reason.

Good. At least he would have some time left with Ike before the woman arose again. Ike seemed to be the only one to truly appreciate Soren being there although the mage's personality didn't help his infamous status, but the swordsman had accepted him for being who he was... hopefully.

* * *

_Come down to the colony in Grann Desert. Others live there. Others like you. You know... the Branded._

Soren had had reasons for his blunt words and nature. But alas, no one bothered to wonder why. Everyone had simply thought that Soren was a boy who had taken a bad path when he was younger and just winded up as a mage with a pessimistic attitude that no one could stand and didn't understand anyone. But it was they that didn't understand truly, for Soren was the one that had been shunned in the past and even in the present timeline. Soren's nature had merely emerged from the hate he had received from the beorcs and laguz alike--it was difficult for him to socialize with anyone, especially if they were the kind that jumped into conclusions. Not only were they bothersome, but those were the type of people Soren disliked most. But the mage had failed to realize that a very few among the group also knew of his deepest and most grave secret...

------

"Who goes there?"

A snap of a twig was all that was needed to alarm Soren that someone was behind him. Whipping around, the mage turned to see none other than Stefan approaching him, one of the new recruits that had joined Ike's company. Great. More company was something that Soren had _not _needed. There was already plenty planning to do in advance along with sorting out the materials and supplies to see if they were low on anything, and now some new recruit was approaching him for who knows what. Soren managed to keep a calm face as he greeted Stefan in a distant manner.

"Oh, you."

Stefan smirked as if he had meant to interrupt the mage in the first place, which infuriated the tactician furthermore, "Yeah, it's me...," he paused for a moment but then continued on nonetheless, "I'm one of yours."

Those four words were enough to stop Soren from all of his activities. His hands began to tremble slightly, and the mage looked up from the paperwork as he glared daggers at Stefan.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Judging from the tone of his voice, Soren was doing a poor job in hiding how nervous he was.

Stefan seemed to see straight through, realizing that Soren had attempted to avoid the discussion. Nonetheless, the swordsman had decided to pursue furthermore and get to know Ike's tactician and a fellow branded more. Although sadly, the mage didn't seem too interested in doing the same for his glare clearly showed that he was not amused as Stefan was. Actually, it almost seemed to Stefan as if Soren was uncomfortable in the current situation as he stared at him with an icy glare and a stiff form. It was obvious that Soren wanted him to leave.

"There are many of our kind. You'll have a place there. If you're interested, come down to the colony in Grann Desert. You'll like it here." Stefan went straight to the point almost as if he was hoping to convince Soren to go and live in the colony he had spoken of.

Obviously, Soren had no intention of it.

"I have no idea what you're babbling about. You're just embarrassing yourself. I belong here, thank you." And with that, he resumed to his paperwork, finishing the conversation as Stefan simply shrugged and left.

Soren pondered on whether to go or not.

------

_You're no Spirit Charmer._

Soren had to admit, Petrine was harder far more challenging than he had expected. Her skills with the lance were good as he had predicted, but how she was able to predict some of Ike's units' moves made it far more difficult to plan things properly. What was worse was that when Petrine had spotted him, she had dived towards him after shortly realizing that he was doing all the commanding and was the brain amongst the group. Soren was barely able to dodge the lance's sharp end as he swiftly moved to the side.

The mage looked about quickly, only to find that everyone else was occupied with some other soldiers while he was stuck with Petrine. If things went on this day, he would easily be slaughtered by the Rider of Daein and the rest of Ike's group would be demolished quickly. Soren turned his full attention to Petrine who was now staring at him with a raised brow... or, well, more like, looking at his _forehead_.

As the mage took a step back, Petrine merely smirked as if she had found out Soren's deepest secret... which she did.

"You're no Spirit Charmer. You and I are exactly the same."

Soren began to panick. His hands and legs began to tremble just like when Stefan had said things close to the lines of that. His eyes to began to shift hastily, observing Petrine until they landed slightly above her right breast. There was a blurred mark barely covered by her clothes... and Soren had figured out what it was and that Petrine had nailed out his true identity. There was no hiding it--the evidences were there. On his forehead and slightly above Petrine's breast were the marks of the shunned and discriminated--the unholy beings that were often called monsters and those of the sort.

Branded.

The mage was completely silent. Due to his panick, Soren did the only thing he could've thought of; he hastily fought Petrine, desperately wanting her out of his sight and memories for the meantime. He backed away, quickly casting a wind spell to weaken her as he frantically began chanting...

* * *

_You were the only one who had helped. You and your father. That's why you're my friend. My... only friend._

As he grew up, Soren had only one friend and a true father figure. The woman and the old sage that had "taken care" of him did a shameful job in raising him properly. It had seemed more like abuse rather than love and kindess to Soren even though he had only been a small child. Ike and Greil, on the other hand, were a true family. Although Soren trusted Greil since he was like an actual father to the mage, Ike had been the one to win all the praises and attention from him. Soren was always by Ike's side and loathed it whenever he had to leave the swordsman's side and vice versa when Ike left. Although he had constantly reminded himself that such thing wouldn't happen, Soren was terrified of the idea that Ike would abandon him and that Greil would leave also. The mage was frightened to be alone... to be in darkness again without any guidance.

------_  
_

Soren was right.

Elincia had taken a majority of Ike's attention, and even the portion that he had once had for the mage. Now Ike was completely drawn to the Princess of Crimea, and Soren could do nothing but watch. It often irritated Soren to see Elincia and Ike being lovey-dovey from time to time, but the mage was able to contain his frustration to himself. Ike was still his friend, was he not? Yes, he was. Soren continued to repeat those words to himself to the point he had been convinced Ike truly was his only and best friend. Ike was even barely paying any attention to the mage, but the tactician continued to repeat the phrase, over and over again. Soren had never been truly satisfied just by repeating a bunch of "pointless" words, but he had managed to calm himself from any further disturbing thoughts of if Ike had ever wed Elincia... Soren would never be the same again.

"Soren?" He snapped back into reality again. Soren made a note to stop day dreaming too often like he had been lately...

A small smile tugged at Soren as he looked at none other than Ike, "Yes?" He replied, happy to finally have Ike speak to him again personally after all this time.

"Well, you see... Elincia sort of forced herself into our group, and she seems to be a Pegasus Knight," Ike started, fumbling for words as he finished explaining... somehow, "Just to let you know in case you haven't noticed."

Soren's heart sank. The moment Ike had spoken to him personally after such a long time only to have a conversation on Elincia nagged at him to no end. But nevertheless, he was only able to sputter out a few words absently; automatically.

The words came tumbling out of his mouth as Soren was almost surprised with what he was saying, "Yes, I've noticed, Ike. I'll be sure to allow her to help you out in battles."

"Thanks, Soren."

With that, Ike had simply left with a grin. Soren could only ponder furthermore on Stefan's suggestion.. No matter what the mage did, everything seem to be getting worse... He had might as well just leave to the colony in Grann Desert and forget about Ike and the rest, although it would be a painful process to rid himself of the memory of the swordsman...

Life was certainly cruel for the poor mage.

* * *

AN: Omg, this took longer than expected. I'm sorry for the really short quote by Petrine on the spirit charmer thing--I didn't really remember what she said exactly and I didn't want to ruin the quotes that way, haha. Anyways, if you happened to like this... review Although I gotta admit, I enjoyed writing this. 


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